First nights. What are you thinking about? I'm thinking about tonight. The first time I blogged. I don't know if I should tell my husband or not.
My most incredible sister-in-law and exceptional author, Joann Mannix, has inspried me to blog, no, not just blog... to write! She has carved away time in her life to write a novel for all women, sisters of the world, any and all beings with female tendancies. I'm proud, jealous and zealously inspired. I have written only snipets, as I am sure most of you have. Let's share them here. Read, write, share, inspire!!!
Family Affair
2 years ago
So, here's what I know, (not that it's much). My oldest girl just turned 18. I have no idea how that happened. It seems like yesterday I was laboring endlessly to bring her into the world and the next thing I know, I'm reaching for the Funfetti cake mix off the grocery store shelf to make her 18th birthday cake. I had this image of her riding her trike, with her lovely little 3-year-old pigtails bobbing as I grabbed the cake mix and I burst into tears right there in the baking aisle in the middle of Publix.
ReplyDeleteThe last eighteen years have been filled with such sweetness. There were birthday parties and tooth fairy visits, bedtime stories and a few infuriating moments that we can look back and laugh about.
The biggest "remember when, hee-hee" being the time she, as a 4-year-old and one of her other toddler sisters power hosed my family room while I was on the phone. Family pictures, a cable box, and a DVD player, all ruined. Hysterical now. Back then, not so much.
But, the one odd thing about the collage of memories I keep is I don't remember much of me in them. I know I was there, positively bone-tired and giving my girls the best of me, but I don't remember me. I'm not being whiny. I wouldn't take back a minute of those days, except, maybe the DVD player. It WAS brand new.
But, I do have one regret: I wish I had been a little more self-centered.
When you become a mother, a fierce, instinctive love washes over you and your perspective on everything is immediately turned upside-down.
Selfishness walks out the door. Selflessness enters.
And that's a good thing. It's the way it's supposed to be. Instinct is there to preserve the species. But, that love never leaves and for me it didn't change.
But, my girls did.
They took first steps. They lost first teeth. They said first words. They learned to tie their own shoes. They went to school. They learned to drive. They let go of my hand.
All in, I swear to you, seconds, And whoosh...the next thing I know I'm standing in Publix, holding on to the Pillsbury Dough Boy, crying my eyes out.
This realization actually hit me a few years ago. On my 39th birthday, I had a mid-life crisis. I didn't go trolling for younger, hot men or buy a convertible or anything stupidly mannish. I just got the "I'm 39 and where has my life gone" blues. I was in a funk listening to a new U2 album. (U2 music is a tonic for whatever ails you. I promise you that.) Bono was telling me I had to stand up straight, carry my own weight, my tears were going nowhere, baby.
And I know it sounds like the biggest block of Cheddar Cheese, but that brilliant song was a stinging slap in the face for me as I listend to him tell me what I already knew. As I sat there in the dark, my gloom evaporated, as these words found their way to my heart. "I am a writer. I am a writer."
I know, I know, CHEESE-O-RAMA, but a very true story. Sometimes life is cheesy and cheesy, though bad for the arteries, always smacks of scrumptiousness.
It was my epiphany and I knew I had to do it, before it was too late. So, with my trusty laptop, I wrote through soccer practices, car lines, waiting rooms and the wonderful hours of the day when my home is quiet with the silence of children at school. It was an arduous, frustrating struggle to commit to a writing schedule. But, for most of my days, I stayed steadfast.
There were sacrifices along the way. I was no longer super volunteer at my kids' schools, I turned down more than a few lunches and gatherings, the house grew dustier and less organized, kids learned to cook their own meals, and my biggest fan, my hubby grabbed all the slack and shifted it to his shoulders. Everyone sacrificed and I learned how marvelously fulfilling it is to be a little self-centered.
And thanks to everyone's sacrifice, a book has been born. I am proud and hopeful and we'll see what happens as I skip down a new road called, Trying To Get A Book Published.
It's funny. I was shy and I kept my writing to myself, for the most part. Now, I've announced it through my blog and I am pleasantly surprised at a few of my emails from friends, moms like me, who are saying to me, "Yes, I've always wanted to do that, too." You always think, you're the only one in the world with such longings.
I immediately wrote them back and repeated the wise Nike ad words, "Just Do It."
Even if it comes to nothing, I've done something that set my soul on fire, something for me. And here's my sis-in-law, already wings open, flying. I won't reveal much, because it's not my place. Although, I will tell you, she's not really a cute, patchwork cat. But, she is a smart, beautiful, creative woman who stayed at home raising her brood of stairsteps and then one day decided she needed to remember herself in the picture. After doing what she loves for several years in a career that she was born for, she has accepted a new job, same career field, but in the Big Time playing field. New job, new part of the state, new life.
And she soars. And we all soar. Mothers first, but then something more. A "Just Do It" moment, that can take your breath away, just like the fast forward version that becomes our days with our children.
Join us if you can. The water's warm and oh, so fulfilling.
Thanks, Joann. Like always you bring it home! I have been blessed with not one, but two families. Three children in three and half years forces the need for extended family. It saddens me to see so many families running from each other, splintered across the universe to fly solo. I'm flying high and strong because of the flock that has supported me through the most preciously exhausting years of a mother's life. My sisters, sister-in-laws, nieces, mother-in-law, daughters, and girlfriends paved the way before me and often picked up the broken pieces I left behind. Without each other, life would be less than magnificent!
ReplyDeleteI too remember the day it hit me. The sudden realization that my offspring don’t really need me… or my opinions… packed a deafening punch. It took me two years to regain my hearing, take inventory of my life and move forward. As our kids flit in and out of the nest, I venture farther and farther away.
However, once a mother, always a mother!
Well, dear sister, I am not surprised that you are "soaring"! You, the "baby" of our family , are the most "adventuresome" and modern! I truly admire what you have accomplished so far in your "young"life. I miss being with you whenever I want to and have always been thankful and envious of the family you have living near you. All I can say is YOU GO GIRL!!! SMK
ReplyDeletePS. I love you too and could not be more proud of you. Guess you know our side of the family loves you the most. Can't wait to see you. ZRK
i haven't read the book yet, but, man, one thing i know is that you could write a book to inspire women to write a book. i kinda wish i was you:)
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I've ever checked out blogs and I can already tell it can be more time consuming than trying to keep up with my emails! Good luck with all that you're doing!
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